Archive for July, 2008

What, the Puck ?

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

After the tantalizing depiction of the iconic emblem on the storied trailer from Germany on a previous post, the following displays the full monty of the Eriba Puck during the vintage trailer jam.  Puck is a mythological fairy or mischievous nature spirit, a personification of land spirits; no further explanation is necessary.    dscn1125.JPG Trailered from Maryland to Saratoga, on decrepit ten inch tires, by a young Renaissance man in a VW beetle, it deserved and won the rough diamond award.  dscn1131.JPG   The Spartan Imperial Mansion, manufactured in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in the early 1950s by oilman billionaire, J. Paul Getty.   dscn1073.JPGA natural segue from the fairy trailer to elves, note the smiling faces of the welcoming committee.  Another picture of the same three attractive beauties, taken from the rear, with major alterations by photoshop, is available on my tabloid internet porn site, cutebutts.edu.   dscn1136.JPG Brain trust at work during ‘happy hour’.   Intense relaxation.  dscn1058.JPGNo expense was spared by PR & Marketing, as corrugate and El Marko merge into an art form.     dscn1081.JPG The essence of the VTJ, the Yensan girls from Baltimore. 

You have the right to remain silent…

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

however, if you were fortunate enough to attend the Vintage Trailer Jam in Saratoga Springs this week, it would be difficult to hide your childish enthusiasm. Describing the event as unadulterated fun would be an understatement, and leave little room for adultery.  A visit to the Airstream Life weblog will cure your curiosity.

The Jam staff of volunteers shed all gestapo pretense, i.e., corporate governance, to the delight of several hundred attendees, visitors, media assembled for an inaugural event that will become a certain pilgrimage for many.  The organizers(*) were Herculean but not tireless and by Monday noon were exhausted and giddy. Like Tiger Woods, surgery, a good pain killer and eleven months of recuperation will have them back on the green of this world renowned spa, beckoning vintage aluminum disciples to worship the lord of rolling vagrancy. To imply that the attendees bordered on the fringe element would be unkind to iconoclasts. It seems so natural to be good natured in the company of oddly like-minded souls drinking some rather bizarre ‘mineral’ waters.  Good laxatives; the body is rinsed, the spirit cleansed.

Each of the four days had a scheduled happy hour and one might assume that the balance, 92 hours, were unhappy.  Not so. An example, on day two, at two p.m., in one of the premier venues for classic vehicles on the east coast, The Saratoga Auto Museum, the major organizer of the event, hereinafter referred to as the ringleader, gave a 90 minute slideshow and discussion on Camping in the National Parks.  

I really enjoyed the cars.

They arrived in a metaphorical tide, pebbles washed ashore; alternately polished and rough, as diminutive as a ten foot Eriba Puck   dscn1200.JPGto a forty foot Spartan Imperial,the visual scent of aluminum was intoxicating. Three Heinekens helped as well.  

All too soon, the wave receded. The simplicity of the weekend, free of TV, news of a beloved nation on the brink of economic collapse, an arrest of yet another ‘celebrity’ in a wet T-shirt being tossed into re-hab…..ranked between satisfaction and exhilaration. Freed from mundane pageantry; the expert presenters, unusual entertainment, and cordiality of everyone in attendance prevailed. References to gas prices were minimal as people, “seized the weekend”.

There was no serial hugfest, no tears at the end as we all drifted back to sea, content to know that it may all happen again in 360 days.

*Rich L.~ringleader

*Brett G., Steve H., Colin H.~major grunts

*A dozen unnamed volunteers and assistants~former elves

Tried to add more pictures, but the connection and upload time made it impossible…maybe next time.

The Moose in the Sauna

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

or was I thinking the moon and the sun ?

Only days after an entry eschewing any semblance to corporate nonsense, the committee for The Vintage Trailer Jam sent a five page pdf file with Pre-Event Instructions. By the third paragraph the word “bullpen” appears, even though I had specifically pleaded for no references to the BALL GAME.

What follows are absurd requirements,like credentials,

mandatory name badges,

and the admonition to abide by the Golden Rule.

Anyone causing a problem will be ejected from the event and no refunds will be given.

Enforcement will be administered by, guess ? A bunch of corporate cast-offs clad in t-shirts emblazoned,

VTJ 08 STAFF  

Well I hope they offer a few bananas in this republic.

 

Which brings me to tonight’s subject…..don’t you hate the silent dictators in our lives ? Those little known people ordering you around, but never showing their faces ?

Look, I’m elderly, unemployed, enjoy moving slowly, and often the fastest thing I have to do in a day is remove card quickly at the gas pump.

Why ?

 Would they please lower the price of gas as fast as they expect me to act ?   

  dscn1036.JPG   

I can think of something I’d like to insert fully; lay down sideways please.   

Even though I quit smoking during the waning days of the Lyndon Johnson administration, this is one that always scalded my fanny,

Does anyone use matches anymore ? Do you have to close a cover on the Bic lighter, or the propane Lighter pistols from the Wal-Mart ?  If I burn my finger, will they say ” @w s#it” for me three times ?  dscn1032.JPG 

Then this appears on a bag of my wifes’ tea. Blockheads.  They’ve already removed the caffeine, and if that was not enough, one should handle the bag softly.   Wouldn’t want to bend or damage the shredded tea leaves, would we ?

 dscn1033.JPG  

On to Saratoga, the quasi police state, to join in the fun. And yes, it was a moose in the sauna.dscn1035.JPG

……pending further review

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

Dateline:

DeTour Village, Michigan

Preparations underway for Saratoga Springs, NY, and the inaugural launch of the Vintage Trailer Jam, a watershed moment in RV history, we are burdened by a major decision.  Should we take ?

  • Pre-WWII wagon from our villa in Tuscany, powered by the 1923 Paige, or
  • The not so vintage, 1986 Excella, in hibernation after an unusually harsh winter

 


 dscn0782.JPG   OR         dscn0183.JPGAlthough both are pictured here, our dilemma is solved by choosing the latter.     

Jack, unsure of his loyalty, must decide between his favorite vertical target, the fire hydrant surrounded by affalo grass, or shotgun seating in the Silverado.     dscn0577.JPG

Our major companion, Lynn, reacted rather predictably when I proposed the 1,100 mile trip to dry-camp for four days in a mosquito infested state park, the same state whose Governor was recently dismissed for keeping company with prostitutes. No ambivalence here as she responded,  ”you want to go where ?”, 

“to do what ?”,


“for how long ?”

Evidently she does not follow the Tour of America or the fascinating R. Luhr blog site. In fact, I recently overheard her in a whispered conversation with a ‘friend’ as she was requesting advice on how to have her cell phone records erased. Next, by examining her computer history, I discovered that her two most visited websites are E-Harmony and Match.Com .

Any suspicions I might have had were completely unfounded as she explained that she really liked that smarmy spokesperson, the toothy guy with the engaging smile, that founded E-Harmony, and all the wonderful stories of couples finding one another. Like watching The Hallmark Channel on your computer while searching for sword swallowers or ukelele players, she explained.

 Was I relieved ?  Oh my, yes.   I was certain that she planned to replace me with an ocarina maestro, a lyre strummer, a picker of the Jew’s harp, or some other obscure, and thankfully forgotten talent in the trash heap of musical lore.

Tomorrow, our relationship happily rescued by watching Dr. Phil reruns, and the promise to see the visiting company of the New York City Ballet Troupe, we begin the trip eastward to Saratoga.

My next entry will address name badges and other forms of dictatorship. Not rated PG-13, it will contain (L,AS, N, V).      

Travel Channel disses JAM

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

In a quest for journalistic authenticity, I have attempted to enlist two popular travel authorities to assist in the coverage of the upcoming Vintage Trailer Jam , an inaugural event with geoglobal interest.  

First, the popular Rick Steves, author of Europe Through the Back Door, one of those fictitious how-to books that fantasizes a vacation on $5/day when we know it costs three euros just to use the toilet.   225px-4733b_-_gimmelwald_-_mountain_hostel_-_rick_steves.JPG 

Rick, pictured here, is in Bosnia/Hercegovina and somehow feels that filming Sarajevo trumps Saratoga. His e-mails to me are almost always curt, terse, and monosyllabic, and today’s was not an exception. When asked if he and his production company would have any interest in dozens of aged trailers filmed in a park like setting with the Adirondack background , the answer required a mere one-thirteenth of the alphabet. 

NO

Undeterred by rejection, I contacted Kevin Brown, husband of the pert, juicy, firm-figured Samantha Brown, host of her own travel series and more importantly, the cheerful spokesperson for Champion Storm Windows.  He was at least kind enough to forward a picture of Samantha on another boring, food-borne-illness, cruise ship contemplating whether to fly to New York to join us at the trailer jam.  Note the furrowed brow set atop her otherwise exquisitely sensuous frame, well, you can certainly empathize her indecision.  samanthabrown.jpg

Shortly thereafter she was photographed again, this time in yet another third world hovel, seeking the perfect chocolate chip cookie.  That girl, how does she stay so slim, eating desserts & scarfing down all the locally popular intoxicants ?  It must be those long evenings on the dance floor, late-night clubbing with the home-grown lotharios, while poor Kevin, software geek, has to stay home and watch the dog. Ooooo…chocolate chip cookies

He can be quite cranky, surely no student of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, and his e-mail ended in a threatening tone, something on the order of…..’ and I want you to stop stalking my wife, xxxhole’.   That Kevin, he’s such a hoot; should have specialized in proctology.   

Requests directed to popular news and travel organizations, i.e., National Geographic Traveler, New York Times Sunday Travel section, and the supermarket pulp grade tabloid, Trailer Life, met with similar rejections. Almost as if some mass media conspiracy exists for the sole purpose of not reporting on the Vintage Trailer Jam . 

Fear not, bloggees ( at latest count, numbering in the low single digits, the actual number of time wasters reading this nonsense) you will be able to attend, albeit vicariously, through this column.   If, for example, any of the common Dilbert phraseology is used at any time during the event, you will be the first to be alerted. This includes, but is not limited to, the following corporate buzzwords:

  • timeline
  • doable
  • proactive
  • walk the talk
  • low hanging fruit
  • sustainability
  • crunch the numbers
  • seamless
  • ball park
  • bottom feeder
  • one on one

Like that brainless sit-com theme song, “I’ll be there for you…..”

Stay tuned, friends.

About the Author

Retired 1997.
Frequent travel. Loyal companions: wife, Lynn; dog, Jack.
Avocation: writing social and political satire.
Past life: three decade clinical pharmacy owner. Now in recovery.
Location: Northern Indiana, Eastern U.P. of Michigan, Southern Arizona

No telephone;
E-mail cspiher@aol.com